E How To

Add up a series of numbers your social security number, your date of birth, your telephone number, to see if the total is divisible by seven
Add up your debts
Annoy a friend
Argue with a colleague about who is the best football quarterback ever
Arm wrestle with a colleague
Arrange a protest march for a cause you believe in
Arrange a seating plan for the office
Arrange to meet a friend in the washroom to chat
Arrange unpaid bills by date order
Arrange your next vacation from work
Ask a friend to help you make your own list of wasteful tasks
Ask colleagues to show you photos of their last vacation
Ask your boss for new office furniture
Ask your grandpa what grandma was like when she was young
Avoid stepping on the gaps between sidewalk paving stones during your lunch break
Balance a pen, pencil, knife, and fork across your index finger
Balance on one leg of your chair
Begin to work out your family tree
Blow paper at colleagues through a straw
Blow up a paper bag and burst it behind a friend
Blow your own imaginary trumpet
Blow your own trumpet
Blubber your lips with your fingers, making bub, bub, bub noises
Boil water and make a cup of tea
Bore your friends by explaining how to draw an equilateral triangle that contains three right angles
Borrow a pen from someone in another
Borrow something from someone and forget to return it
Braid your hair
Break your diet
Bring a violin case to work for a week and carry it with you wherever
Browse through Roget's Thesaurus
Brush back your hair with your left hand
Build a ladder of good intentions to Heaven
Build a house of cards
Build a model Eiffel Tower using toothpicks
Build a model of the white House from old cigarette packs
Cacuate how much money you spend on average each day
Calculate all the money you have spent in your life so far
Calculate how long it would take you and three friends to build a major road
Calculate how long it would take you to read a twenty-volume encyclopedia
Calculate how many minutes you have been alive
Calculate how many seconds there are in one year
Calculate how much better off you were last year
Calculate how much money you spend each year
Calculate what you would do if you had a million dollars
Calculate which way is north of where you sit
Calculate your age in days
Calculate your annual budget
Calculate your monthly expenses
Call people rude names; then hide
Call someone whose name begins with the letter "L"
Call up someone you talked to last year
Call up someone you talked to yesterday
Carve miniature boomerangs f'rom paperboard and flick them at ends
Carve your initials onto your desk
Catch a cigarette in your mouth
Challenge a colleague to a plant-growing race - see who can grow the tallest plant in three months
Challenge the office assistant to a game of marbles
Change the batteries in your radio
Change the order of your keys on your key ring
Change the proportions of your face
Chat to a friend about your last date
Chat to a workmate about the book you are reading
Check all the illustration numbers in this book against their captions
Check share values in an old newspaper (maybe one ten years old) to see whyt changes have occurred
Check share values in the newspaper
Check the classified ads in the paper to see if there is anything you need
Check to be sure your money is not counterfeit
Check your answers for yesterday's crossword puzzle
Check your house price from the real estate advertisements in the local paper
Check your make-up in a small mirror
Check your underarms for body smells
Check your waist measurement
Chew a match
Chew a toffee
Chew the end of a ballpoint pen
Christmas dinner party
Clean out the sleep from your eyes
Clean out the supply closet
Clean out vour ear with Q-Tip
Clean out your wastepaper basket
Clean up the mess after clearing out the hole punch
Clean your comb
Clean your fingernails
Clean your hairbrush
Clean your shoes
Clear out the company medicine cabinet
Clear out the hole punch
Click your tongue to make a sound like galloping horses
Close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to be blind
Coin a phrase
Color in the pattern on the facing page four colors or tints so no two abutting araeas have the same color
Color squares on graph paper
Comb your hair down
Compare yourself to earlier photographs
Conduct a marching band while humming and chatting
Conduct an imaginary orchestra
Conjugate ten verbs
Console a colleague
Construct a fictitious resume for yourself
Construct a theory for the location of your soul
Construct elaborate geometric patterns, then color them in with colored pencils
Construct elaborate patterns using circles
Construct your company's organizational tree
Consult a book to interpret your dreams
Consult an oracle
Contact someone on the computer system
Convince someone that an African elephant has smaller ears than an Asian elephant
Copy out your list of "tasks to do" again in a neat form
Count how many pages are in this book
Count television antennas from the window
Count the buttons on your jacket
Count the freckles on your face
Count the freckles on your forearms
Count the holes in your watch strap
Count the number of checks left in your checkbook
Count the number of matches in a box
Count the number of Smiths in the telephone book
Count the number of times "love" appears in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet
Count the number ways to waste time on this page (added by Matt J.)
Count the roof tiles on the nearest building
Count the small change in your pockets or purse
Count the stars
Count the typographical errors in a newspaper
Count the windows in the biggest building you can see from your window
Count the words on this page
Count your blessings
Cover a sheet of paper with doodles
Crack your knuckles
Create a new cocktail for the office Christmas party
Create shadow figures using your hands
Cross and uncross your legs and practice your most impressive sitting position
Cry to get sympathy from a friend or your boss
Cultivate bangs (if you're a woman)
Cut an envelope to make scrap paper
Cut out heads from magazines and stick them on other bodies
Cut out pictures from magazines
Cut yourself some shoe liners from old cardboard
Dance a jig
Dance around the office with a colleague
Daydream
Decide how you are going to pay your debts this month
Decide what style of topiary you would like in your garden
Decide what you really want to do with your life
Decide where to go on vacation in next year
Decide which items on your "Things to do" list need doing
Decide who you are going to pay this month
Demonstrate a karate throw to a colleague
Describe a journey to Britain on an old ship
Describe the last days in the lives of the dinosaurs that made these fossils
Describe to a colleague how you would explain to a child how a baby is made
Describe what Lincoln might be thinkig if he were not a statue
Design a new chair
Design a new desk
Design a new mode of transportation
Design a new office notice board
Design a stamp to commemorate your life
Design an old postage stamp
Design an outfit for anoffice toga party
Design new office shelving
Design yourself a new office
Despair !
Devise your own coat of arms
Devise your own ornamental device
Dilute the error-correcting fluid
Discuss Ludwig Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus with a workmate
Distort a picture of you or a friend on the company photocopier
Do skipping with an imaginary rope
Do a "head-over-heels"
Do a jigsaw puzzle upside down
Do a magic trick in front of your colleagues
Do a self-portrait using colored pencils
Do absolutely nothing for five minutes
Do exercises in your chair
Do fifty push-ups
Do sit-ups on the floor
Do some exercises
Do some kitting
Do the same thing and see if it is divisible by three
Doodle
Doze in a chair
Draw a cartoon of a close friend
Draw a cyclops step-by-step
Draw a funny picture of your family
Draw a map of Europe from memory
Draw a map of your town ti
Draw a Ouija board and try to contact the original chairperson of your company
Draw a totem pole using the faces of colleagues and friends
Draw boxes and triangles in the margins of books
Draw cartoons
Draw circles by tracing around the base of a bottle or cup
Draw daisies in the margins of paper or a book
Draw different types of lips and match them to workmates
Draw faces on balloons
Draw Frankenstein's monster
Draw glasses on faces in today newspaper
Draw lines across the contours of faces in magazines
Draw mustaches onto photos in magazines
Draw out your family tree
Draw spectacles on photographs in newspapers
Draw twenty circles on a sheet of paper and draw a different face in each one
Draw up a two-month calendar and add special events
Draw your favorite flower
Draw your own profile
Dream of possessing your loved one
Dream of taking a ride on a dolphin
Drum out a rhythm with your fingers
During a phone conversation tell your loved one how devoted you are
Each week, look at the backs of your hands for signs of aging
Eat a candy with a noisy wrapper
Eat strange food that will keep you awake all night and make you feel so tired that tomorrow you will fall asleep
Eat your lunch with chopstics
Eavesdrop
Empty your pockets
Enact the sky between two airplanes, using your hands to describe the actions, and making machine gun noises with your mouth
Estimate the cubic capacity of a container
Estimate your total wealth
Evaluate how much spare time you have each week to do nothing
Exercise your tongue by trying to make it reach the tip of your nose
Fall asleep at your desk
Fall into a fit of rage
Fall into a rage
Fax a list of jokes to a friend
Feed the birds outside the window
Feel very angry about some trivial problem and talk about it endlessly to f'riends
Fiddle with your earring
Fight an imaginary
Figure out how to catch the animals that escaped from the zoo
Figure out how to make a 3-D icosahedron from paper
Figure out how to use color in a map with the minimum number of colors so that no two adjacent areas are the same color
Figure out how you would teach a bear to dance
Figure out if you can climb through a playing card
Figure out the height of your office building
Figure out the largest single sum of money you ever earned
Figure out the largest single sum of money you ever paid anyone
Figure out the middle letter of the alphabet
Figure out the plot for a novel
Figure out what you would do locked in the bathroom without toilet paper
Figure out what your enemies think of you
Figure out what your friends think of you
Figure out who is the shortest person in the office
Figure out who is the tallest in your office
Figure the relationship between extraterrestria forces, metaphysical forces, paranormal forces, and the orders of spiritual levels in Heaven and Hell
Figure the values of half and half and half a number until you arrive at its twentieth value
Fill in a crossword puzzle without using the clues
Fill in earlier weeks in your office calendar
Fill in every letter p on the facing page end avoid reading the text
Fill in the teeth on the photographs of people in magazines
Fill in your office calendar with things you would like to be doing
Fill out the personal notes page of your office calendar
Find a new friend
Find a place to lie down in peace
Find a secret space and play cards with your friends
Find fault with everyone
Find out how to adopt an animal at the zoo
Find out the birthdays of all your collegues
Find out what is on TV thais week
Find out who borrowed your scissors and get them back
Flick paper at friends
Flip a coin to see who gets the coffee at break
Fold and refold your handkerchief
Fold brown paper into neat squares
Frighten a friend
Gaze at the clouds
Get drunk
Get everyone in the office to swap desks to confuse your boss
Get someone's attention by kicking them in the backside
Get very drunk
Get your calculator to spell words
Give up one of your favorite activities for a month so that you feel virtuous
Go forth and preach
Go out and buy a pack of cigarettes
Go out and send a letter
Go sit on the toilet
Go to the bathroom
Go visit your friends in the company and chat
Greet a new employee
Grow a mustache (if you're a man)
Grow an unusual hairstyle
Grow your hair into a new style
Guess how much and then count the money in your pockets
Guess the value of a dollar in a year's time
Guess the weights of your f'riends
Guess who will be the next US President
Guzzle a pint of beer
Hammer a nail in the wall to hang your coat on
Have a cigarette
Have a cold beer
Have a snack
Hire a fancy-dress outfit at lunch break and wear it all afternoon
Hold your breath
Hold your head in your hands
Hold your right ear with your lett hand and your nose with your right hand, then hold your left ear with your right hand and your nose with your left hand, and repeat and repeat
Hop on one leg along a straight line
If you could return to earth as a celebrity, who would you be?
Imagine a conversation in which your bank manager asks for your help
Imagine a day in the life of a coach horse in nineteenth century England
Imagine a discussion with a drunk
Imagine a perfect murder
Imagine an orgy
Imagine an unlikely place to meet a friend
Imagine an X-ray of your hand
Imagine arriving for work in the US President's car
Imagine being Adam and what you would have done on meeting Eve
Imagine being a character in a novel
Imagine being a slave asleep on a slave ship
Imagine being bandaged alive and put in a mummy's coffin
Imagine being eaten alive
Imagine being Eve and what you would have done on meeting Adam
Imagine being taken away by a superhero
Imagine being taken away by King Kong
Imagine being thin
Imagine being very poor
Imagine being very rich
Imagine colleagues' reactions if you came to work dressed differently
Imagine coming to work by elephant
Imagine coming to work in a tank
Imagine coming to work on your own orie-wheeled invention
Imagine confronting an opponent riding an elephant on the battlefield
Imagine doing a different job
Imagine for what reason you would want to blow up the government offices
Imagine Ginger Rogers inviting you to dance and waltz around the room
Imagine having a conversation with Jesus
Imagine having a howler monkey for a pet
Imagine having a life as short as that of a butterfly
Imagine having tea in China
Imagine having to fight for your country hundreds of years ago
Imagine having to fight in World War I
Imagine having to fight in World War III
Imagine having to go out and kill your lunch before you can cook and eat it
Imagine having to migrate to reach a breeding ground
Imagine having your boss just where you want
Imagine how cold it must be to wear a kilt in winter
Imagine how cold it would living in an igloo
Imagine how long it would take to get to work on a horse
Imagine how long it would take to write your own biography
Imagine how sorry everyone will be when you are dead
Imagine how to cope with being a werewolf
Imagine how you would escape from being tied up
Imagine how you would interview your boss for your job
Imagine how you would look after being told you have got a raise
Imagine how you would look after being told your raise doubles your salary
Imagine how you would pick a fight with your friends
Imagine life if you were as small as a cat
Imagine making a living by loaning people money
Imagine playing solitaire in a prison for thirteen years
Imagine pressing hot kisses onto the one you love
Imagine reading a diary of several past generations written by your greatgrandmother
Imagine riding home through tragic on a penny-farthing
Imagine standing next to the tallest tree in the world
Imagine ten things you might buy on vacation
Imagine the colors of fairies' wings
Imagine the weight of an elephant's suit of armor
Imagine the worst thing that could happen to you
Imagine two whales making love in the ocean
Imagine utter despair
Imagine wearing a fifth-century metal helmet a day
Imagine what child care is like for male seahorses
Imagine what excuses you would make if caught in an embarrassing position
Imagine what is "going on" next door
Imagine what it is like in Heaven
Imagine what it is like in Hell
Imagine what it is like to have an operation without anesthetic
Imagine what it would be like inside an iron maiden
Imagine what it would be like to be a fish in the sea
Imagine what people will be reading about in a year's time
Imagine what style of beard you prefer
Imagine what you will do between now and your retirement
Imagine what you will do when you retire
Imagine what you woud do with ultimate power
Imagine what you would be like as your boss's boss
Imagine what you would be worth if you had owned some successful shares for ten years
Imagine what you would do if you had only one year to live
Imagine what you would do if locked in a dungeon for twenty years
Imagine what you would do if you got your toe stuck in the bathtub faucet
Imagine what you would do if you had only one day to live
Imagine what you would do if you had only one week to live
Imagine what you would do if you were the richest person in the world
Imagine what you would do if you were very, very ugly
Imagine what you would do upon discovering someone you love has died
Imagine what you would do with $100,000
Imagine what you would do with superhero powers
Imagine what you would say in a message to space, trying to contact alien species
Imagine what you would say to someone - a friend or relative - who returns from the dead
Imagine what you would say to the Devil if you went to Hell
Imagine whom you would torture if you owned a rack
Imagine why you might have won an Oscar
Imagine wild sexual positions
Imagine wnat you would look with no hair
Imagine working in a pit crew for a racing team
Imagine working in a tower in a castle
Imagine you are about to take off in the space shuttle
Imagine you are floating in space
Imagine you are in control of a major operation
Imagine you are making love with Marilin Monroe (if you are a man)
Imagine you are making love with Robert Redford (if you are a woman)
Imagine Robert Redford and Marilyn Monroe making love together
Imagine your boss as a piece of fruit
Imagine your living room with new wallpaper
Imagine your worst nightmare
Imagine yourself in women's clothing (if you are a man)
Imagine yourself as an artist painting your dream house
Imagine zero gravity
Imitate other people's way of walking
Improve your ambidextrous skills
Improve your whistling skills
In the two pictures shown upside down against each other, figure out the differences
Inform a colleague about the difference between a zubra and a zebra
Invent new items for a later edition of this book
Invent signals that you can send across a field
Invent a caption for this picture
Invent a conversation between Napoleon and Hitler
Invent a conversation with a drunk parrot
Invent a corresponaence with someone famous
Invent a day in the life of a small dinosaur
Invent a mechanical contraption to make the tea or coffee
Invent a motto
Invent a new animal using the characteristics of three existing ones
Invent a new identity for yourself
Invent a secret alphabet and write messages in it
Invent a wonderful fancy costume
Invent an office golf obstacle course
Invent an unusual fancy-dress costume
Invent characters for a novel
Invent families for these people
Invent imaginary creatures
Invent new monsters and creatures on paper and give them collegues’ names
Invent personalities for each of the people in this picture
Invent ten new "Old Testament" commandments
Invent ten reasons why you I would give people medals
Invent the conversation you might have if you met with an alien
Invent the worst opening sentence of a novel
Invent ways of disposing of a body
Invent Winston Churchill's next line
Invite friends out for a drink after work
Jump on your chair and shout "cockroachI" to frighten your colleagues
Keep a diary
Lace your shoes differently
Laugh at old photographs of yourself and colleagues
Laugh at your boss latest demands
Lean back in your chair and look at the ceiling
Learn five new words in your dictionary
Learn how to carry out resuscitation
Learn the symbols for the signs of the zodiac
Learn to calculate
Learn to draw an equilateral triangle
Learn to identify pasta types
Learn to identify the names for parts of a sword
Learn to identify the sex of earwigs
Learn to read your fortune in the lines on the palms of your hands
Lie horizontal on the floor
Lie very still and pretend to be dead
List a boy's and girl's name for each letter of the alphabet
List a the hotels you have stayed in
List all the animals you would like to visit at the zoo
List all the places in the world you would like to visit
List as many creepy-crawly insects as you can
List the faults of your friends
List what you would do if you had only ten days to live
List what you would do if you had only ten minutes to live
List your ten favorite actors or actresses
List your ten favorite names for boys
List your ten favorite names for girls
Listen in one private conversation
Listen in to other people's conversations and pretend they are talking to you (added by Andrea W.)
Listen to pop music on headphones
Listen to the radio
Look at old diaries to see what you did this timeast year and the year before
Look at your vacation photos
Look out of the window
Look through last year's staff party photographs
Look to See if anything has fallen behind the radiators
Look up the value of your old LPs in a catalog
Make a "Big Brother" poster of your boss using the photocopier
Make a Christmas card list of friends
Make a cup of coffee
Make a cup of tea
Make a funny hat
Make a ist of your charms
Make a liist of time-wasting activities
Make a list in order of priority of the tasks to do
Make a list of all the books you would like to read (added by Andrea W.) Make a list of all the people you owe dinner invitations
Make a list of all the people you'd enjoy having sex with
Make a list of anagrams from your name
Make a list of books you have already read (added by Andrea W.)
Make a list of everything you ate yesterday
Make a list of extinct or endangered species
Make a list of friends you could write to when you get back
Make a list of omissions from this list
Make a list of people you should invite to dinner
Make a list of ten questions you would ask Napoleon should you meet in the afterlife
Make a list of the ten best films ever made
Make a list of the ten most attractive men in the world
Make a list of the ten most attractive women in the world
Make a list of the ten people you would arrest immediately if you became dictator
Make a list of the things you would do to your bank manager if you had power over him
Make a list of the things you are most afraid of having done
Make a list of the things you are most proud of having done
Make a list of things that you would pack to take on a vacation to Hawaii
Make a list of things to do on the weekend
Make a list of your best features
Make a list of your debts
Make a list of your faults
Make a list of your replies in answer to questions about your work colleagues so the lie detector does not reveal your true feelings
Make a machine for blowing smoke rings
Make a mask out of a piece of card or paper
Make a musical instrument from a paper and comb
Make a musical instrument out of drinking straws
Make a paper airplane
Make a paper box
Make a paper chain
Make a paper hat from office stationery
Make a paperclip chain
Make a parcel of unwanted objects and send it to someone in a different departs
Make a rubbing of a coin
Make a shopping list for next Christmas
Make faces at the goldfish
Make facial expressions in a mirror
Make funny faces at the person nearest you
Make ink blots and move them around to form shapes
Make labels for all the office drawers
Make patterns with paperclips
Make rude gestures to passersby
Make rude hand gestures
Make shadaw images with your hands
Make silhouette cutouts of your workmates
Make silly noises
Make sure that the birthdays of all your family and friends are listed in your office calendar
Make ten words from your name using each letter just once
Make up a joke
Make up a nonsense conversation to have with a friend
Make up anagrams for different countries
Make up some Chinese-style writing and invent what it says
Make your desk untidy then make it tidy again
Make your own crossword puzzle
March around the office like a Roman soldier
Massage the bags under your eyes
Master the art of playing musical spoons
Measure the height of the plant by your desk
Measure theength of your fingers
Measure your height
Meditate
Memorize the formula for calculating the velocity of water passing through a tube giving the interior distance and the speed
Memorize the order of the books in the "Old Testament"
Name Snow White's seven dwarfs
Name the 101 Dalmations
Panic
Peel an orange
Peep through a keyhole at an office meeting
Phone a friend and resolve a disagreement
Phone someone in your office to see if they are bored
Phone up an airline and find out how much it would cost to travel to London on Concorde
Phone up someone in the company you do not know and say hello
Photocopy pictures of places you would like to visit from an old history book
Photocopy your hand
Pick a day to take your children to the park
Pick off old nail polish
Pick the worst team you can think of in your favorite sport
Pick your nose
Pickyour teeth with a toothpick
Place a collection of new magazines in the bathroom for guests to read
Plan a bank robbery
Plan a camping vacation
Plan a day at your favorite beach
Plan a day when you stay at home sick and lie in bed and do nothing
Plan a Halloween party
Plan a night out with your best friends at your favorite restaurant
Plan a trip in a hot-air balloon with your partner
Plan a trip to Europe if you have not been there
Plan a visit to a local historic building
Plan how to give up smoking or any vice
Plan to achieve an ambition
Plan to dispose of a body
Plan what to do with the money when you win the state lottery
Plan what you will cook for dinner this evening
Plan what you would do with one ten hours to live
Plan your retirement
Play a card trick on a friend
Play a game of gin rummy
Play a tune on a cup with a spoon
Play a tune on a rubber band
Play a tune on your teeth
Play a tune on your teeth with a pencil or ballpoint pen
Play a tune with your tongue (make galloping sounds)
Play an imaginary harmonica
Play cards with a colleague
Play cards with a group of workmates
Play music to your plants
Play solitaire
Play solitaire and cheat
Play with a hole in your teeth with your tongue
Play with the candy wrapper while you eat the candy
Play with the keys or money in your pocket
Play with the things on your desk
Play with worry beads
Play with your watch strap
Play your boss at checkers
Play yourself at chess - and cheat
Play yourself at tick-tack-toe
Play yourself at tick-tack-toe
Pluck your eyebrows
Polish a peach
Polish and shine an old coin
Polish spectacles
Polish your nails
Pop air out of the pockets in plastic sheet materials
Practice juggling
Practice balancing a dime on its edge
Practice bandaging your finger
Practice belching
Practice blinking with one eye and then the other
Practice blowing smoke rings
Practice body-building in a mirror
Practice different handwriting styles
Practice drawing perfect circles without a compass
Practice drinking from a cup while lying down
Practice farting
Practice folding your suitjacket for your next business trip
Practice forging your boss's signature
Practice hand shadow art
Practice insulting hand gestures
Practice levitating
Practice magic card tricks
Practice making strange faces in the mirror
Practice making paper cutouts
Practice rubbing your tummy and rubbing your head at the same time
Practice signing someone else's signature
Practice telepathy with your workmates
Practice the Mona Lisa smile
Practice the skill of clicking your fingers
Practice throwing crumpled up pieces of paper into the wastepaper basket
Practice touching your chin with your tongue
Practice touching your nose with your tongue
Practice walking on on leg
Practice writing a letter without looking at the paper
Practice writing your name with the hand you don't usually write with
Practice writing your signature left-hand
Practice your swimming skills by lying across a stool
Pray for an easier life
Pray for something good to happen
Predict which football team will win this year's Super Bowl
Press the cap of your ballpoint pen in and out
Pretend you are walking on the moon
Pretend gou are a race car driver
Pretend to be a bird
Pretend to be dead and lie very still
Pretend to dance around the room with Fred Astaire
Pretend to hold a gun and shoot people as they walk by
Pretend you are a statue
Pretend you are speaking to someone on phone
Pretend you can walk on the ceiling
Pretend you have lost your memory
Promise not to swear ever again
Promise to become a blood donor
Prune and shape the company bonsai tree
Puff up your cheeks and make squishing sounds with your mouth
Puff up your cheeks with air in your mouth
Pull down your cuffs and fiddle with the buttons widdle your thumbs
Pull off the petals of a flower reciting "she loves me - she loves me not"
Pull up your socks
Push back the cuticles on your nais
Put cotton balls in your ears and imagine you are deaf'
Put markers in books on topics of interest
Put the books on your Shelf in Order of subject
Raise hell
Raise your hat to an imaginary passerby
Read a book upside down to see if anyone notices
Read a map of the places you will never ao to
Read a newspaper
Read a tourist brochure
Read all of itoday's mail again
Read an old TV Guide
Read any section of a dull book
Read every entry in this book, holding it at arm's length
Read Genesis and give an estimate for the cost of creation
Read Ludwig Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus
Read the acknowledgments of a book
Read the annual financial report of a major corporation - and figure out its real value
Read the Chinese take-out menu and chooseyour lunch
Read the ingredients on a sauce bottle
Read the obituary column of your local newspaper
Read this book right through again
Read this book with one eye shut
Read your horoscope in an old newspaper
Read your own fortune in a teacup
Rearrange tapes
Rearrange the boardroom furniture
Rearrange the office
Re-arrange the workspace
Recite the alphabet backward
Refill your fountain pen
Refill your staple gun
Rehearse your excuses for when you are caught in an embarrassing situation
Remember a long-lost relative or friend
Remember a sad moment
Remember a special day
Remember a trip to Europe
Remember all the people at your bus stop on the way to work
Remember all your old addresses
Remember an embarrassing moment as a child
Remember an old friend
Remember items in this book that have been repeated
Remember last Friday's hangover
Remember the age when you wore a bra
Remember the last time you won money at cards
Remember times when you were at a beach as child
Remember what you looked like when you were young
Remember where everything is in your living room
Remember where you've seen aarge clock (and what time it was)
Remember your childhood
Remember your fauorite song
Remember your first day at work
Remember your first girlfriend or boyfriend
Remember your first kiss
Remember your last train journey
Remove hairs from your clothes
Remove the chewing gum from underneath chairs and tables
Remove the dead flies from the lampshade
Remove the peel from an apple in one continuous piece
Repot the oflice plants
Reserve some tickets for a show
Rethink what was said to you yesterday
Retie your shoelaces
Ring your own phone number to check that your phone is working
Roll up bits of paper and throw them at friends
Rub the rim of a glass until it "sings"
Rub the sides of your nose with your thumb and forefinger
Rub your tummy while tapping your head
Run around the office as though someone were chasing you
Run naked around the office
Say "Oh, dear me" repeatedly
Scratch a spot
Scratch your arm where it is not itching
Scratch your eyebrow with your finger
Scribble on an old fax
Search for faces in the wallpaper
Search our hair for lice
Search the local telephone directory and call people with the same name as yourself and ask whether they are relatives
See how ar down a chair you can slide before you fall to the ground
See how far you can reach up your back with your hand
See how long you can hold your breath
See how many different positions you can get your desk lamp to go in
See how many different writing implements you can find
See how many times you can fold up a piece of paper
See how many ways you can write the name of the town you live in
See how many words you can make from your own full name
See what your name spells when you write it backward
See who has the most money in their pockets and make them buy lunch
Seek an understanding of your future in the pattern of coffee grinds in your cup
Select a name for your house
Send messages to colleagues via your computer
Send someone you love a gift
Set a clockwork mouse off around the office
Shadowbox
Sharpen all your pencils
Show a friend sexy photos
Show colleagues cartoons of your boss
Sing a song in the style of your favorite popstar
Sing arias from operas very loudly, waving your arms around at the same time
Sing your favorite song
Sit and catch people's eyes as they walk by
Sit and cross and uncross your legs
Sit and stare out of the window
Sit and think about why you work where you do
Sit and worry
Sit at a colleague's desk while they are not there
Sit facing a blank wall
Sit in as many different positions as you can in the same chair
Sit on the floor
Sit on the stairs
Sketch your workmates when they are not looking
Slurp your coffee to distract everyone
Smoke a cigar
Smoke pot in the storeroom
Snarl at someone you dislike
Sneak up behind a colleague and try to tie their shoelaces together
Sort out all your used envelopes
Sort out old newspapers and magazines
Sort out the rubber bands in the stationery drawer
Sort out used ballpoint pens
Spin a coin
Split a pencil to see if you can get the lead out in one piece
Squeeze the zits on your face
Stack up used paper cups and then knock them down
Stand and sit continually for thirty seconds
Stand holding a chair and swing alternate legs backward and forward
Stand On One leg for a month
Stand on your desk and wish everyone "Good morning!"
Stand on your head
Stand on your head and recite your favorite poem
Start an argument with colleagues
Stick ex libris plates on your books
Stomp on plastic cups
Straighten the picture on the wall
Straighten the wire clothes hangers in the closet
String together rubber bands
Study a map of a region you are unlikely to ever visit
Study the controls of a space shuttle so you can pilot the ship back to earth
Suck peanuts
Sulk
Surprise someone at work you don't know by taking them a cup of coffee or tea
Swat a fly
Swing on your chair
Take all the dead matches out of matchboxes
Take the bulb out of your desk lamp and replace it
Take up yoga
Take your pulse
Talk for hours on the phone
Talk to a colleague about your favorite schoolteachers
Talk to a friend about a problem at home
Talk to angels
Talk to fairies
Talk to the office plants
Teach yourself to play the spoons
Tear an old telephone directory in half
Tease a workmate
Tell a friend what happened over breakfast
Tell someone a spooky campfire tale
Tell someone to calm down
Tell someone you just really don't care
Test the pens on your desk
Test your eyes using an eye-testing chart
Test your IQ
Test your memory by writing down what you did yesterday
Thi nk what you would do if you inherited a mansion
Think about cleaning your children's bedrooms
Think about haw big this dinosaur's toes might have been after seeing its thigh bone
Think about how humans evolved
Think about how lonely astronauts must feel up in space
Think about looking down from a great height
Think about sex
Think about your favorite type of tree
Think back to when you last mowed a lawn
Think how long it would take you to draw the Bayeux Tapestry
Think of a caption for the two pictures below
Think of a comic you read as a child
Think of a different thing you could do during your lunch break for the next two weeks
Think of a famous person you would like to draw or interview
Think of a job you would not like to do
Think of a new route to get to work
Think of a new use for a strange tool
Think of a news story for an employee newsletter
Think of a spot in the countryside you have longed to visit
Think of all the things you can sell that you don't really need
Think of an animal for each letter of the alphabet
Think of five people you would give a medal for bravery
Think of how you would fire someone if you were the boss
Think of something you would prefer to be doing now
Think of ten climb the stairs to work in a suit of armor
Think of ten excuses you could have used to stay in bed this morning
Think of ten reasons why you should not get married
Think of ten reasons why you should get married
Think of ten ways to cure a hangover
Think of ten ways to get away with murder
Think of the day you got married
Think of the reason why there are entries in this book
Think of the ten most beautiful women in the world
Think of the ten most handsome men in the world
Think of uses for every room in your own castle
Think of your favorite soccer goal and imagine yourself as the goalkeeper
Think qf ten ways to get into a castle unnoticed
Think up an advertisement using a toucan
Think up the most unlikely business trip
Think what graffiti you would write on the toilet walls
Think what would be your favorite sight from the crow's nest of a ship
Think what you could do with three extra fingers
Think what you will bring back as presents for friends and relatives from your next vacation
Think what you would do if you lost your job
Think what you would do with three wishes from your very own genie
Think where you would like to be buried when you die
Think who you would take away with you for a dream weekend
Throw a fit
Throw all your problems at someone else
Throw away old credit cards and business cards
Throw playing cards into a hat
Throw things at people from your office window (then hide)
Throw your paper airplane to someone, if you haven't already
Tidy your office drawers
Tidy your work area
Tie knots in a piece of string
Tie little bits of string into one long piece
Tie up your shoelace with only one hand
Torment the cat
Toss a coin in the air as high as you can without hitting the ceiling
Toss a coin ten times to see how many times it comes up heads
Toss a dime from your forearm onto your hand
Touch your toes
Trim your nose hairs
Try a self-portrait
Try and remember your parents' zip code
Try on hats from the hat stand
Try to add letters to a notice to change its meaning
Try to catch nuts in your mouth by throwing them in the air
Try to curl up your toes
Try to find a baby sitter and arrange a night out
Try to get a dent out of a Ping-Pong ball
Try to guess the color of objects while blindfolded
Try to imagine what your children are doing
Try to look at the end of your nose
Try to move a coin by telepathy
Try to pick up small objects using crossed fingers
Try to read a page of a book upside down
Try to recall the names of kids in your elemental scool
Try to recall the periodic table
Try to recall your earliest thoughts
Try to remember the Gettysburg Address
Try to remember old group photos and the names of everyone in them
Try to remember old jokes
Try to remember the color of your friends eyes
Try to remember the formula for the volume of a sphere
Try to remember the license plate numbers of a the cars you have ever owned
Try to remember the name of the tiny man in The Maltese Falcon
Try to remember the order of Ten Commandments
Try to remember the tune of the Warsaw Concerto
Try to remember what is the most you have ever drunk on one occasion
Try to remember what you are supposed to be doing
Try to remember what you did last week
Try to remember what you did this time last year
Try to remember where you put last year's Christmas list
Try to remember who got drunk at the office party
Try to remember who taught you chemistry in college
Try to remember who told them
Try to remember who was the class "brain" when you were fifteen years old
Try to remember who won old national sports events
Try to remember with how many airlines you have flown
Try to see down your throat with a mirror
Try to see the minute hand of your watch moving
Try to slide as far down a chair as possible without falling off
Try to wiggle your toes
Turn out your pockets and brush off the fluff
Turn the radio on and find the most boring channel
Turn your underwear inside-out (added by Matt J.)
Twist around and around on your chair
Twist the end of an imaginal mustache
Twist your face into different shapes
Twist your legs around the chair in which you are sitting
Type an anonymous letter to someone and send it through inter-office mail
Type your curriculum vitae
Untangle t:he telephone cord
Untangle the cords on your blinds
Visit a friend
Wait until your boss leaves, then blow a raspberry
Wake up a friend
Wake up your grandparents with a phone call
Walk about quickly so you look busy
Walk around the building looking busy
Walk up and down
Wander around the office looking busy
Wash out old fountain pens
Wash your hands
Watch a friend work
Watch a friend working and mimic their habits
Watch a sunset
Watch the clouds to see which way the wind is blowing
Watch water run down a window pane
Water the plants
Wear a fancy hat for an hour
Whistle a tune
Whistle out a tune
Wind up your watch
Wink at someone across the room
Work as slowly as a snail or a giant tortoise
Work out how much you could save if you gave up smoking or other activities
Work out how to pay for your dream car
Work out how to spend this week's paycheck
Work out number puzzles in your head
Work out the perfect murder
Work out the real meaning of life
Work out what percentage of your salary you spend on going to work
Work out what time it is in Tokyo
Work out your height in meters
Work out your weight in kilos
Write a letter of protest about some local urban development to the relevant government officials
Write a letter to a famous person who is dead
Write a letter to Santa Claus
Write a letter to the Prime Minister of Britain
Write a limerick
Write a poem
Write a rude note to your bank
Write down all the people that you really care about
Write down ten reasons why you belong to your religion (if you are religious)
Write graffiti on toilet walls
Write letter to a friend
Write lyrics to Ravel's Bolero
Write out your favorite poem as small as you can
Write the year in Roman numerals
Write the first paragraph of a comedy or a tragedy for the theater
Write to the author of this book
Write to the author of this book and thank him for wasting your time
Write words in the mist formed by your breath on a cold window or mirror
Write your autobiography in brief
Write your date of birth in Roman numerals
Write your epitaph
Write your name and address in mirror writing
Write your name on your office cup

Saturday, April 2, 2011

How To Waste Your Time